Inner Demons
by LittleMissReadAlott
Summary: "Ya know Sometimes when I least expect it, Harleen comes out to play. She likes to talk to me, tries to Reason with me and sometimes she likes to put thoughts into my head. Thoughts may I just add, I would rather not have." A One shot of the inner turmoil between Harley Quinn and Harleen Quinzel.


_**Authors notes:**_

 _ **This is just a one-shot story told through Harley Quinn's perspective, I am hoping to write a** **proper story on Harley and the Joker, but thought id test the waters first, wanna say a we shout out to**_ _ **Audrey Kasm who has been very kind to me and has given me great advice for me being a newcomer to writing on FanFiction, would recommend checking her stuff out, you can find her on my favorites.**_

 _ **Please review and ALL criticism is very welcome as it helps me learn what im doing right or what I need to be doing better. I hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **-LittleMissReadAlott :)**_

 **Inner Demons**

Ya know Sometimes when I least expect it, Harleen comes out to play.

She likes to talk to me, tries to _Reason_ with me and sometimes she likes to put thoughts into my head. Thoughts may I just add, I would rather not have.

She often asks me if given the chance, would I make a different choice? Well to be more specific if I had the choice to go back to the first time we saw him, the way he had looked threw her to me, how he winked at me, the way he had _smiled_ at me. Ya see, we have often argued who it was he was really seeing but I know the truth, it was me. It had always been me, Harley Quinn his little Harlequin. Not Harleen no _me_.

I will never forget the first time she made her entrance.

We were staying at the old theatre at the time, the first of our many homes. It was a particularly long night in which I couldn't sleep, it was the first time he had ever left me alone ya see. I lay wide awake in our bed worrying over him. Stupid really I know, worrying over somebody like the Joker, he was invincible. Know body could hurt Mistah J, funny that the GCPD and Bat's couldn't get this into their thick skulls; seriously how do you stop an impossible force? Easy answer! You can't.

On this particular night he was off on a heist and he had left me behind. He felt that I wasn't ready yet, after the disaster last time when I was with him on a big heist, it was my first time out on a job with him and I had been so nervous, that had been my downfall. _I hesitated_ , I'm lucky to still be alive. Mistah J would have shot any of his henchmen dead if they had hesitated. Instead of just pulling the dam trigger! That was my downfall I couldn't kill the cashier, I just… couldn't. I won't be making that mistake again. My hand couldn't stop shaking and in result to this the GCPD was on us in no time. I'd never seen him look so enraged before, I had disappointed him, failed him and for my punishment he left me to the mercy of Batman.

I was so upset, I'll never disappoint him again; I needed to show him that I could do this, that I _was_ ready. I would need to be stronger next time, smarter, I knew I could prove myself to him. I knew I could. As he gathered up his weapons and toys I had started to get ready. He had just finished putting his tailcoat on and before I had even slipped on my Harlequin outfit "And where may I ask, do you think _you're_ going, Hmm?" I glanced up at him, and he waved his finger at me. Confused I tried to think of the appropriate way in which to question him, he hated it when I questioned him, but before I could even open my mouth he shook his head sadly at me, sighing as he approached me slowly he gently patted my head "Not tonight, pumpkin pie"

"But Mistah J I can…"but he was on me in a flash, his hand roughly clamped over my mouth, his glare was murderous.

"Now, now we can't be having any back talk. It's simply not _polite_ " He spoke down at me as if scolding a child, "you don't wanna make daddy mad now do you?" Pouting, he nodded my head side to side to answer no. "you see Harley-girl, until you can prove yourself to be of use to me, you're grounded" his shoulders shook slightly as he laughed to himself, I'd have smiled at his joke but his hand pressed down harder on my face making me groan slightly at the pressure, at this he sneered down at me, looming over me completely now "Until you earn my respect and trust _little_ girl, you will stay pu _t_ " Seeming satisfied he let me go, roughly cupping my check as he shook his head, chuckling lightly to himself. "Oh and don't wait up!" And with that he had left me standing there with tears in my eyes and his booming laugh echoing through the theater. I rubbed my hand gently along my jaw and inhaled a deep sigh, I could do this, I knew I could, I would show him, I could prove my worth to him, I had to.

It was on this night as I lay worrying over his absence and all the different ways in which I could show him that I was stronger, I suddenly felt panicked. A strange thought occurred to me, what if he didn't want me anymore?!

I had never thought of that before, never even considered that he would tire off me, so as I lay there fretting chewing on my bottom lip, that was when she first spoke to me.

" _Harley…"_ I can still remember the shock I felt upon hearing her voice, it was quiet, fading but hey if you heard a voice you would be freaked out too, I had bolted straight up in bed, my head slightly dizzy from jumping up so quickly.

I looked around the room, perhaps Mistah J was home early and was playing a joke on me?, "Mistah…Mistah J?" I had called out weakly but there was no reply, something should have exploded by now. Realizing there was no one there, and hearing nothing more, I shook my head and giggled softly "I'm hearing things now "fluffing up my pillows and releasing my hair tie I let my hair cascade down my back, running my fingers threw it in the hopes of untangling it. My fingers brushed over a particularly tender spot on my scalp from the night previous making me wince slightly, I smiled and pressing down on it harder this time, a slight hiss escaped my lips and I sighed happily, smiling dreamily to myself as I closed my eyes If I _really_ concentrated, I could conjure up his beautiful face in my mind and pressing my fingers deeper into my scalp I could almost imagine his strong fingers grasping my hair, it made heat bloom in the pit of my stomach, smiling I began to ready myself for sleep when I heard it again, only louder this time that I let out a squeak and nearly lost my balance on the bed

" _HARLEY!"_ She had shouted this time at me, and now there was no mistaking it, She was there, she was there speaking to me in my head, my initial feeling of shock vanished and in its place anger started to bloom. So it only made sense that I respond back…right?

"Well, well will you look who got out of her box!" I retorted angrily back at her, she didn't respond… feeling smug, I decided to keep prodding her. "What? That's it _Harleen_ " I sneered, "Nothing else to say, huh?" still nothing "Well good riddance!" Happy that I'd put her back in her place I lay back down in bed, letting my eyelids droop over when I heard her again.

" _He left you behind"_ It wasn't a question, but a statement. It had my blood boiling. How dare she? She knew nothing; I pinched my nose and buried my head in the pillow. I tried to ignore her I really did, but she wouldn't stop " _you've outgrown you're worth to him."_ Still I ignored her, but my blood was boiling I could feel the heat rising on my face. _"Harley please…listen to me"_ Her voice took on a pleading edge.

"IM NOT LISTING!, _HMM, HMM, HMM HM HMMM_ " Humming loudly to myself seemed to drone her voice out, kept her voice at bay.

It was a little while after that first time, that I heard her again and _again_ she just wouldn't _shut up_ it was very annoying, she liked to do it whenever I was alone, or if I was feeling a little low. Funny how she showed up when Mistah J couldn't protect me from her. Id considered telling him about her, but I worried over what his reaction would be, would he blame me for hearing her? Or worse, would he think that I let her out?! So it was a long time before I finally told him and when I did I regretted it. He unleashed his rage on me for what felt like hours he only stopped to catch his breath which wasn't very often, he had great stamina. But when he couldn't physically lift his leg or hand any longer he stood up to his full height and brushed back a few strands of unruly hair that had fallen forward in his extrusions, and he suddenly groaned loudly, I pecked my eyes up from where I was curled on the floor, he angrily pointed his long finger at his vest "Oh I don't believe it, now Look at what _you've_ done!, YOU'VE WENT AND GOTTEN BLOOD ALL OVER MY NEW VEST!" he roared and with that he landed one final sharp kick to my ribs, there was a sickening _CRACK_ that we could both recognize as being snapped ribs. Wringing his hands out in anger he stormed out of the room.

" _I'm sorry Puddin…"_ I called out meekly after him, but he was gone. It was the last time I eva brought Harleen up again, for the reaming off that night I lay there in a fetal position crying softly to myself, all the while hearing Harleen murmur words of comfort into my head.

" _it's okay Harley, you're going to be OK, Shhh"_ I really hated her, perhaps Mistah J should have kicked my head.

When Bat's had dragged me to Arkham Asylum, after that first heist when Mistah J had left me to my well-deserved punishment for disappointing him. Batman had brought me to the droll and boring Asylum, it was laughable the psychiatrist's feeble attempts to _"Cure me"_ Ha Ha! It was so funny ya see, why on earth would they think I'm the one who needed cured? If ya ask me anyone who wanted to work in a place like Arkham Asylum, surrounded by its dank and dreary halls the criminal's screaming and crying through into the night… come to think about it, Harleen must have been pretty nut's to want to surround herself day in and out, Monday to Friday with this place.

And they say I'm the crazy one? It's a bad joke if you ask me.

I can remember the therapist who was assigned to me, Joan Leland, Harleen's old mentor. She had asked for me specifically would you believe it. She hoped to be the one to "rehabilitate" me HA! I can still remember my very first session with Joan Leland, after staring at me for what seemed to be forever searching my eyes for something Recognition from Harleen maybe?, she had asked me gently "what do you seen in him?, What is it about him that has you disregarding human life?"I had laughed out loud at that my voice carrying around the room and down the halls no doubt. At that response the gentleness that she was showing disappeared and was replaced with a much sterner tone "Do you think it's funny when he hurts people?" She had demanded all professionalism out the window.

"It's just a joke"I had replied simply with a shrug off my shoulders, she had sighed and rubbed her hands along her face which only caused to amuse me more, she shook her head sadly at me and that pissed me off to know end, I didn't need no pity. So I looked her straight in the eye and asked her "Have you eva been on a really scary Rolla coaster?" Yes she had replied, and I smiled at her, making her shift uncomfortably in her seat. It had only made me smile wider, Mr J once told me _"always smile kiddo, it confuses people"_ she gently asked me to Please go on and so I did, I told her

"You know that feeling most people experience when you are first strapped into the seat, and your mind races, I'm scared of heights, why I'm I doing this, should I do this, no I shouldn't, I should really get off, but then it's too late you see, you're strapped in now theirs no going back and then when you slowly climb up the Rolla coaster, up ,up up you go higher and higher till everyone else on the ground below look like tiny ants and then you stop, you're at the age of the first big dip, and your stomach churns at the thought of when you will suddenly go over the edge and you regret getting on in the first place? But not me doc! Gee, I can't get to the top fast enough, I love that moment when you plunge over the top, that feeling of losing control, the air knocked out from your lungs, and as you fall downwards fast, in loop to loops, and you scream oh you scream but not because you are terrified, no I can't wait to see which way or direction I will be thrown into next, or that terrifying thought of I'm going to slip out of my seat and fall to my death. Joan's eyes were wide and horrified, I laughed out in glee. "But that's just it doc, you don't fall to death, you never do, and when the rides over, and your left breathless, and shaken with tears in your eyes from the impact of the wind hitting your face, of your hair whipping out behind you, you realize that the Rolla coaster ride is the most exhilarating thing you have ever experienced in your whole life, the danger of it, the freedom of it, of not being in control. And before you know it you start the ride all over again… just to taste that freedom the pleasure of it all. Even when you know that you'll be sick to your stomach if you experience it again, or if this time the seat belt will come loose and you do fall from your seat and die, but you do it anyway, just to taste it again, The Freedom… That's what my relationship with the Joker is like, how could anyone ever want to ever get off?"

To that she had no answer.

See what everyone gets wrong is it was me Harley Quinn, who was locked up inside, locked up in some small box in the back of Harleen's mind where she had put me. Yes I had been a victim, but not by the Joker. Harleen had kept me locked up for too long, now that drove me crazy, and I tried OH how I tried and tried to get out! To escape my cage but I couldn't. If I really think about it I contradict myself I would never have escaped by myself, see cages are locked up with keys right? And without my savior, the love of my life, my reason for existing _Mistah J._

Only he had held the key ya see?

The key to my imprisonment, the key to my heart. And he had finally set me free.


End file.
